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Diary of a tired soul- Chapter 5- I, me, myself

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Once in her classroom she sat on her favorite bench and away from the gaze of the professor. Once settled she took out her 40 rules of love and started reading from where she had left off, the rule number 19th made her uneasy, “The whole universe is contained within a single human being- you. Everything that you see around, including the things you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for Sheitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. it is an ordinary voice within. If you get to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness both your dark and bright sides, you will arrive at a supreme form of consciousnesses. When a person knows himself or herself, he or she knows God”, it fascinated her the most, and made her dive into her childhood memories where as a kid she took life to be a stage show and often thought to give her best as according to her out there somewhere some people were watching her every move, in her sheer naivety she often asked her parents:

Is this how we perform?

Do we have to give our best?

Who’s the judge?

Her queries often met remarks that called her an imaginative kid, ‘oh..! she’ll be something in her life…’, ‘oh she’s so thoughtful..!’, but hardly anyone ever understood her psyche or what she really wanted.

Last night’s dream and then rule 19th stirred something in her and questioned everything she had ever so far believed.

“You alright..?” Sahil interrupted her chain of thoughts

“Yea.. I am..” she retorts looking all perplexed and clearly not in a mood for long conversations or anything of that sort.

“You sure?”

Rumi answered in a nod then asked “why do you ask.. all was your game..?”

“You look lost.. Game was good.. We won..”


“You seem different..”

“Why do you say so..?”

“One word replies and Rumi..well that’s rare and almost inevitable for sure”


“What is the matter sweety..?’

“I don’t know..can we talk later..?”

If Sahil was hurt he didn’t show it while Rumi resumed her book again.

From the corner of the room Aman whatsapped Sahil, “all good..?”

“Dunno dude..”

“What is she thinking?”


“What did she say to you..”

“She asked about the match and that if she can talk later..”

“Ohhhh..does she know..”

“I don’t think so..”


“Talk to her yourself and don’t send me dots, I am not your fill in the blanks..”

“I wish..”


While Rumi had resumed her book and was rummaging through, her thoughts again went wayward, this time to another memory which felt ages ago…

“Mumma..what is the existence of our lives..?”

“Why are or were we born..?”

“How were we born..?”

“Is God present in all of us..?”

To which her mother mostly replied saying to wait for the right time, and that all shall come to her.

Taking out her journal and her favorite staedtler yellow pencil she wrote, “if only I were real, you’d have been too, if only I were me, you’d have been too, the search for me is long, but who are you..rather who am I…are we for real or is it just you who lives within me and ask me silently for us and we, somewhere clinging to make infinite…!”

The chain of thoughts were once again interrupted by the professor who was looking for a well rehearsed row, “What is it that you are writing..?”

“nothing..”, Rumi replied

“Care to tell me about kinds of trusses or beams or the easiest mechanical energy..?”

“Do you want me to leave the class?”

“ my guest…”

“thanks prof..”

“forget about internals Rumi..and see that you don’t fail the semesters..”

“you wanna flunk me in the internals then do it prof, I’ll make sure to score in the externals..”


“ please carry on with your boring lecture..”

With this she stormed off the class with fury making her cheeks red while heart pounding thinking about the unprecedented future.


Diary of a tired soul-Chapter 4- Being


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